Presents aren't always Gifts.

I have a lot on my mind about family right now. I am not sure how much of it is appropriate to put on line. I will do my best to be kind and loving.

There are many people that I miss seeing and being with during the holidays. Some of whom I miss more often than that. I wish you were here.

We have family members who live in town who....here is where I have to keep my mouth shut, I guess. I love Christmas. It is about giving. I LOVE to give. I DO give. Give time. Give support. Give prayers. Give hugs. Give. Not always is this in the form of presents. We do give to the people who we have strong relationships with. I am sorry if this offends you, but this is the way we feel. Some family members agree with me on this, and that is cool. We came to this agreement earlier this year. RIGHT ON. Others have yet to come around.

Please don't try to give me guilt about this. It is what it is. It is not meant to be mean. It is just the way we feel. The gifts don't have meaning from the giver or the receiver if they are given because "that is what we have done for years". I don't buy it. Nor will I have guilt about it. Gifts should be given out of love for each other, not to show up one another or show off. There are some to whom I probably should give, and don't. For that, I apologize.

We work hard for what we buy. We invest. We save. We work our money to the best of our ability. We don't have a lot. We pinch here, and do without there. We are happy.

Life is good. Please remember not to judge others' outsides, by your insides.

Merry Christmas Everyone

I am not sure who reads and who does not. My Aunt Louise will shoot me an email occasionally after reading. Kerri talks to me about some of it on the phone or if she comes over for a visit. Other than that, no clue.

That being said, and I say this meaningfully yet blindly. (In hopes that more people are reading than I think....I have some people in mind.) I hope that you are having a very blessed Christmas. God has been so great in our lives, and I hope that he has in yours. I know as most of you that times are tough right now. He knows it too. Only He can get us through.

The list of my gratitudes are forever long, and there would be NO WAY to list them all here. Generally, the friendships that I have are UNbelieveable. I found that out this year. The number of people who cared enough to do what they could, say what they could and hug when they could during my Dad's ordeal this summer was overwhelming. I love each and every one of you.

I have also rediscovered friendships in people who never left my life, the state maybe, but not my life. Life is too short to let the "little" things get between us. My relationships are on the road to recovery, and for that I am grateful.

The relationship that I have with Kevin is the BEST it has ever, ever been. I cannot thank God enough for giving me the WHATEVER I NEED AT THE TIME to continue this relationship. This could not have been possible without many, many things coming before: the Intervention I was apart of in grade school, the introduction of Al-ateen, the commitment of relatives to take me to meetings when no one else could/would, the sponsor I have, the 2 DWI's our family has experienced, and numerous other accounts. If God had not interceded when he did, Kevin and I would not be happily married today. Thank you.

My children are a blessing. I so enjoy playing with them, hugging them, kissing them. Sometimes, I wish their "ears worked right" though. I suppose those get fixed naturally about the age of 23. (That seems like a good age, huh?) Each of them is a blessing in thier own way. James will eventually benefit, I hope, from Emma's bossiness. Emma will one day realize that James is a great brother. He loves her so much.

We have jobs. I today's economy, some don't. We do. They pay is not great, but we have jobs. Our bills get paid. We have health insurance, and a home to call our own. Life is good.

Life is short. Appreciate the small things. Take notes; you'll want to remember all these memories one day. Photograph. Smile.

I love you.

Merry Christmas, Everyone.

Our Anniversary

I know that some people thought we would not last 5 years. Yesterday we celebrated our 9 year wedding anniversary. The first 7 1/2 years were the roughest years of my (our) lives. Kevin stayed drunk pretty much all the time. And I was crazy mad about that.

Now is different. Kevin has been sober for over 1 1/2 now. Things are not perfect; they never are. But compared to the way things used to be, they are nearly perfect. This is the way that I always thought married life should be like.

Kevin is an active member in the AA program. Working the steps, using his sponsor. I am a very grateful member of the Al-Anon program. (My life would NOT be the same without it.) Also, working the steps, using my sponsor. I love her. None of this has ever been a secret for either of us. We make our meetings our priority. We can't stay sane/sober without these programs. Sometimes, they even come before each other. That is the way it HAS to be in order for us to keep this new life.

So....
Yesterday before we left for our date (Thank you, Kerri.), Kevin kept asking what I wanted to do. I was just fine with dinner and ________. You fill in the blank. He started talking about a movie. He received 2 free passes to a theater far away. No thanks, besides he wanted to see a manly manly movie. About 30 minutes before we leave, he says, "we should get matching tattoos. Hearts with our initials." Gee, I dunno that's FOREVER. Kevin reassures me that now that he is sober there is no doubt about being together forever. True, I agree.

Thinking about this for a moment. I suggested that we get the AA/Al-Anon symbols for tats. We were going to get them on his left arm, my right so that when we held hands AA and Al-Anon would be together again.

We did it. Except mine is on the ankle. Did not know if that would be appropriate to have a tat on my wrist as an educator. "Hidden" is one thing.

So, now I am BRANDED.

How Different They Are

Yesterday, James jumped off the swing set and landed "wrong". Broke his collar bone. Emma broke hers about a year and a half ago. She cried for a bit after it first happened. Went about playing for a while, then complained to the daycare teacher that she was still in some pain. They called me and I took her to the doctor. He did not seem to think it was broken, because when he poked on her and raised up her arms, she did not cry or yelp or whine. She only made a "that hurts" face. The x-ray showed a clear break. No MD needed. We saw the orthopedic doctor that day, and for follow-up visits.

James, however cried for a long time. While we waited for the doctor to call back from the exchage. Naturally, it was after hours. Cried for most of the way to the hospital. Once the tylenol set in, he mostly whined. After we were at the hospital, the doctor told him he could not have a snack until after we took the x-rays. Of course, then he was "all better" and wanted to go home. Nope. Another clean break. We had a sling from Emma's turn, but could not find the collar brace. That one costs like $80. Oh, well, we do for our kids,right? James sees the ortho on Monday, hopefully.

Good thing we signed up for the medical cafeteria plan again. Most of the monies spent will come back to us later. "FEW".

James slept better than I thought. We gave him a small dose of Tylenol 3. When I checked in on him, he was sleeping nicely. He looked so peaceful, still on his back with hands folded on his belly.

Unfortunately, that meant that we had to miss a Christmas party. Could not risk having James get bumped into with all those kids around.

Merry Christmas.

Two down, Two to go

We had two Christmas celebrations to go to this weekend. It was kind of nice. We had breakfast at my mom's. Sorry we showed up so late. Everyone had a nice time. We got to see the new addition to the Redd family. Madelyn is adorable. Always good to see Ed and his family. Our kids like playing with each other. I am not sure why we don't get them together more often.

We took Joe up to visit with my Dad right after that. We had snacks for lunch and dinner. All of which was yummy. I did gain a bit over a pound that day, which is a bit more than I would have liked. That will be good motivation for me to behave myself the rest of the week. I usually wish that my visits with Joe were longer, especially if the kids were not around. Don't get me wrong, I love them and they are good for a laugh or two. But the socializing is interupted. The kids 100% LOVE their Uncle Joe. That's cool.

By the time we got home, it was bedtime. Easy enough day.

This Saturday we will celebrate with the Wright family in south county. It may be awkward, seeing as I was not (invited) there last year. The whole family won't be there, so it should not be as bad as I once would have expected. Kevin will probably want to hit a meeting, so I am sure that we won't stay long.

Christmas eve we will celebrate here. Meghan is coming over early afternoon. I love it when she visits. Kevin will take her home after all the presents are opened and the fun is over. Santa is hitting our house first this year so that all kids can open presents at the same time. It may be overwhelming... my Dad will be giving out gifts that night too. Still working out the logistics of WHEN Santa will arrive, if the kids are in the house.

Christmas day should prove to be a "relaxing" day of playing with everything we opened the night before. Done. There is the Weindel Christmas party the following Saturday, but that will be no big deal. I hope James behaves himself longer than last year. We had to leave before dinner was served, because James had a meltdown. Cried from Cave Springs and 70 until somewhere around Olive and 270. The CRAAAASHED. HARD. I had to wake him for dinner. Kevin will be with us, so that should help a bit.

No plans for New Year's Eve yet. I suppose the children will want to stay up as late as they can like they tried last year. I made them go to bed before midnight, because I just could stay up any longer. Who knows about this year.

Hard to believe that another school year is half over. Feels like it just began. Next school year, we will have all children in school. No more daycare. Yippee.

Thinking of you...

Can you believe that there are only 22 days left until Christmas? I can't. I wish there was more time. I have all of my Christmas shopping finished, that's not the problem. Nor is wrapping. Although it is not finished. The problem is that there are so many people to see and visit with.

I know how it is when you have too many places to go--that is the product of divorce. Double eveything, well, almost everything. I bet it is even harder when you "go back home" for the holidays. EVERYBODY wants to see you. Time is a problem. I get it. No worries.

I am thinking of a lot of people right now. Some I won't get to see because they live out of town. Some I won't get to see, because everyone is just that busy. Some....I hope that everyone is doing well.

I think of Kevin, and THANK THE LORD HE IS SOBER. I think of the kids, and know that I am blessed.

I think of the Nice's in Texas. I know they were in town recently. OH how I wish we could have gotten together.

I think of the Wipke's in California. With children so young, how fun it would be to have you here.

I think of the Redd's. I know that I will see you, but I am still praying that everyone is doing well.

I think of the in-town Nice family and wonder why we aren't as close as we once were, and hope that all is well.

I think of some of my Weindel cousins whom I have not seen a long time and hope that everything is good....it make me remember the time I lived with the Boyd's. Those times were fun....having teenagers in the house....'course it will be a different story when those teenagers are mine to content with.

I think of Joe and wonder lots of stuff.

I think of Dad. And wish we were all together this Christmas.

I think of Mom/Glen, and look forward to my own retirment. Or at least a time when the kids are out of the house. Ok, not really, just so that they are more independant....or just sleep longer on the weekends.

And I think of you. My friend. Always there. Never waivering. And I know that I am blessed.
I love you.